What I have learned from watching Polish commercials

Not that they are that different to the American ones... I simply didn't know much about them, as I hardly ever watched any tv in the US. Now I am watching it a lot, mostly thanks to living with my Mom, who loves it and for whom it's the main (only?) source of entertainment.

I also never believed the world of advertisment to be on the frontier of the fight for gender equality or social education... it is though a nice mirror of the social expectations and the lower common ground with which the producers try to connect.

So...

* Children and men have passions and hobbies, women just love to be with their families
* Mothers are the only ones who care for children's health. If men appear in medicine ads, it's as germs spreaders in need of the motherly care and help, along with their children.
* Beer is a male thing, and manhood is all about strength and machismo
* Poles are very prone to cold and flu, as well as digestive issues. They must be also concerned with thier figures (no surprise here). The cholesterol scare is also quite strong on this side of the pond... Miracle margarines and "healthy and safe" pills. *sigh*
* Polish mothers are supposed to be even more obsessed and terrified about every step of their children. The mass of children-oriented pills, candies and drinks that are supposed to pack the kids with immunity support, vitamins, and what not is quite impressive.
* Either the Poles are obsessed with, or are NOT obsessed enough according to the banks, with credits. The number of high-quality, star-packed, and really well-done ads about different kind of credits or saving options is astounding. The cellphone market must also be not saturated yet, another field with really good ads. This is the field in which I can see serious creativity, sense of humor and probably good money in the ads' production. I love the fashion for local cabaret* stars.
* Different kinds of milk snacks and sweets are more common to see in ads than chips or nachos and similar kind of stuff. And most of the ads seem to be done in Germany or other countries with just Polish dubbing...


* Polish "cabaret" (kabaret) is extremely popular, and it's kind of group stand up comedy.

and as usual, the feminists are responsible for everything.

I watched a morning talk show today, which by the way is really surprising to myself. The topic of their casual talk was why women like "bad boys". There was a psychologist, a writer and some other random people talking. One of the argued causes of this kind of behavior was lack of self appreciation and self worth in women. And how can you cure it? By hearing booty calls. I kid you not. One of these women said how great it was when she was in Italy and some guys called her "bella" and how great she felt, and that is needed for women to feel good. But it's impossible because the crazy feminsts cry "sexist!" "abuse!". It was actually a guy who basically said he would not whistle on a woman, and he refused behaving in that way, feeling a bit embarassed, as if he felt guilty for not treating women like a piece of meat!

So basically women to feel good about themselves still need men, and male gaze and sexual interest. I can't get this twisted logic. Having strong self worth is helpful in more situations than just getting into toxic relationships, but seriously, why still this kind of way of building it? And that was from some supposedly educated and sophisticated ladies.

so sad...

Blackface? Again?

I can't believe how many times recently I stumbled upon a photo of a model in a blackface. What is going on? Do people seriously think it's ok? This one has the same model having two version of herself.

Well, to me it looks like White is fighting with Black. If it was supposed to be sexual ecstasy, then it didn't work well. 

I am not sure it was a good idea to google "blackface model". Calling the findings "disturbing" is quite an understatement. 

This one is not only racially offensive in making the model look like minstrel-era porcelain figurine, but also seems to be selling this girl out. 

I guess the point wasn't to look like a Black woman. Because she doesn't. She looks dirty. Unless for the photo makers Black=dirty.

It's obviously not just for women.

And these feathers are supposed to be... tribal? I guess that's what was on the mind of producers of the following photos, not only adding blackface but also "African" or "natural" scenery and clothes:

If they could they would stuffed bones through her nostrils. I am sure that would complete the picture.

And what the hell is this one about? I don't even try to phantom the photographer's/stylist's thoughts 

The fashion industry is extremely white. Women of color are hardly to be seen anywhere, in ads, on catwalks or billboards. Instead of making a use of the incredible variety of human species, in all the shapes and form of its beauty, we take skinny white women and paint them dark? Forgetting everything about the recent history and still pervasive racist attitudes? Are these supposed to be liberating? sending a "colorblind" message or other bs? Just stop. Show people in their natural beauty. And stop offending and abusing PoC and non-white cultures.

Halloween is coming

And with it flood of tasteless, over sexualized and simply ugly costumes.
Halloween is not my tradition, so I am not excited about it and don't have any fond childhood memories. In Poland this day is celebrated by visiting family graves, contemplation, prayer and generally filled with very "memento mori" atmosphere.

I have noticed a few entries over various blogs bringing examples of costumes advertised for this season. All of the ones I've seen are offensive for one or another reason. I find them extremely sexist, reducing women to sex objects, often culturally insensitive.

I have decided to look by myself if the bloggers were cherry picking and exaggerating or if indeed it's that bad.
Well, it is bad.
First, the costumes for adult women as compared to adult men:

I found one or two examples were men were portrayed somewhat "sexy", mirroring their female counterparts:

The only images where women were not made up to look like Playboy fantasies occupants, was in a "hoop clown" costume.

Now to the culturally offensive... Looks like the "Indian Princess" and "Gypsy lady" win the competition. I was wondering what a male version would look like, thinking of some bare chest "warrior" disaster. I found even better: woman is the "Indian princess", man is a cowboy. I don't even have words...

What is also interesting, their "teen" section seem to differ only is slightly better breast coverage.

Now to the children costumes. The toddlers are still more or less sweet and cute, gender neutral. But when we enter the section for pre-teen and teens, the division is very clear. Boys' costumes are warriors, robots, fighters, action figures, super heroes/villains and generally strong characters with pants, often bulky clothing disguising the body's shape. Not so with girls' costumes. As far as I've seen all of them have skirts, mostly mini-skirts. The difference to adult costumes is, that the skirts are often fluffy and bulky instead of tightly skin-like. The characters are all over the place... witches, bees, butterflies, skeletons, ballerinas, dancers... I am guessing the girls could use the boys' costumes if they wanted, but it is pretty clear that most of them are made with gender in mind. Let's see some examples:

Differences between boys' and girls' costumes of the same theme:

I think I am glad I am not part of that all. It's a pity how early on the sexualization of little girls begin.

donor conception

For a while now I have been researching variety of reproductive options. In the case of lesbians pregnancies it can't just "happen". In the case of a single, economically disadvantaged lesbian with unclear immigration status the possibility is even less realistic.

I have been always a very strong supporter of free choice for women. A woman should be able to decide whether to have children or not. I support both women who decide to never have children or perform an abortion as much as these who find fulfillment in bringing a number of children to this world. It should be the woman's (together with her partner if she has one) decision, based on various factors important to her and those around her.

It is maddening when people call single by choice mothers that they are selfish or that they harm their children. That a woman must have a man to even think about having a baby. I hate that it's often assumed the only reason why they want a baby is because they want someone who would love them unconditionally, like a pet.

For centuries women were left to take care of their babies. No matter who was the father or how the baby was conceived, if it was planned or not, whether the mother wanted it or not, it was assumed she had to take care of it. No obligations of that kind have been expected from fathers. A father who abandons his children still has friends, is respected and doesn't face any social stigma. And if he pays alimony all is good and done. Now let's look how the society treats a woman who resigns from motherhood. She is ostracized, her femininity is questioned, she is belittled and disrespected. Her moral standing is criticized and her mental health under suspicion.

I have always felt that if a woman wants to have a child, no one has a say, unless there is a serious risk involved - then an advice could be offered. It seemed to me that the only reason why single by choice mothers are criticized was because they made the choice, they showed autonomy and stood for their reproductive rights.

With all of it I thought the option of lesbian pregnancy using donor sperm is a good option. Maybe not perfect, and it would be great to find a donor who would like to participate in some way in the child's life, but still pretty good. But recently I stumbled upon opinions that creating life that way is evil and morally wrong. And it was expressed by children conceived that way... That conscious decision of bringing a child with no known father is hurtful and traumatizing.
I've never thought about it that way. My mother doesn't know her father, and knows only the name of her biological mother. But of course it wasn't a conscious decision, that was war and its consequences.
I do know my father, but hardly know where my family came from, who were my ancestors. And yes, I would like to know- but I don't find the lack of knowledge hurtful or traumatizing. My mother also seems pretty ok even after years in awful communist, post-war orphanages before being finally adopted by a single woman.

Is it really so bad? Is it selfish? Is it traumatizing? Is it worst than a child who is born from a one night stand? From bad relationship that ended soon after?
Personally I would prefer to know that my mother wanted me so much she chose to use donor sperm, than to know it was a random guy or some jerk who abused my mom and didn't want to know about me. But of course it's all speculation, I do know my father, who was in long relationship with my mother.
And what about couples who use donor sperm? When a child has two parents, but one might not be the biological one. Are genes really that important?

another example how women are pressured to feel guilty about eating.

It's a commercial of a yogurt that is supposed to make you feel "fuller for longer". It is full of tortured women eating celery sticks (well, I would look tortured as well, 'cause I hate that stuff), rice cakes, lettuce ... you would think it should be contrasted with real food. Instead it is contrasted with the "solution": fat-free yogurt which looks very thick, which means you are "satisfying" yourself with thickeners and preservatives and artificial colorants. Women are still not allowed to eat normal food.
And I won't even comment on the mechanization, as if women were brainless robots, repeating everything others do, suffering taken as normal and necessary to be slim and "attractive". And are there really only white slim women in Australia? (ok, one Asian).

patriarchy and other links

Good article on straight privilege and homophobia at work. I am truly lucky, that my work space is very supportive and I can be out. I even came out to my students and it was taken fine, with just an advice from my boss to guard my privacy - but not not to speak about my queerness.

When I need time for my family, no chance; yet no-one ever questions my straight colleague's anniversaries, in-laws weddings/milestones (after all, Sparky will cover for them). And when I complain about this, I get a snarky comment about not needing that much time for my "sex life." Because sex is the ONLY reason I could possibly want to spend time with Beloved, right?
And part of it stems from that eternal fallacy that to be a homophobe/racist/misogynist/insert-ist here you have to be as extreme as possible. That anything short of being raging hateful bigots with torches and pitchforks is not REAL -ism, -ist etc.

New York Times writes about racial disparity in school suspensions. Unfortunatelly, no surprises here:

In many of the nation’s middle schools, black boys were nearly three times as likely to be suspended as white boys, according to a new study, which also found that black girls were suspended at four times the rate of white girls.

School authorities also suspended Hispanic and American Indian middle school students at higher rates than white students, though not at such disproportionate rates as for black children, the study found. Asian students were less likely to be suspended than whites.

Another great one is a checkup list on male privilege, based on the famous article and list made by Peggy McIntosh on white privilege.

Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything in life for free; being privileged does not mean that men do not work hard, do not suffer. In many cases – from a boy being bullied in school, to a soldier dying in war – the sexist society that maintains male privilege also does great harm to boys and men.

In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick.

fatism

there is a great entry on shakesville about absolutely disgusting ad for weight loose toxin. It's again portraying at people as sad, miserable and unable to enjoy life in anyway. because obviously only thin, white women can have it.

the author commented much better, so I will quote here part of her entry:

Some fat people do live terrible, unfulfilling, limited lives, and in some cases it may be because they're fat—or because they've got shame, anxiety, and/or rigidly self-imposed boundaries in response to endemic cultural fat hatred. I do not want to disappear those experiences. But those experiences are not, as the above advert (and the similar Realize advert) would have us believe, universal among fat people.

I have known real love and real fear (don't even get me started on romanticizing fear as an experience all humans should have); I have gone skinny-dipping in Lake Michigan (and I've no interest in walking naked in the winter snow, but my fat wouldn't stop me if I did); I have fucked a stranger; blah blah blah. I can also tie my own shoes.

I've also traveled to other continents, lived in another country, ridden roller coasters, gone horseback riding, hiked through the Highlands, been rollerskating and bowling and golfing and rockclimbing and biking, gotten married, gotten divorced, gotten married again, had personal and professional achievements, had personal and professional failures, made friends, lost touch with friends, learned how to cook and tapdance and play piano and milk a cow, played endless video games, wrote a book, rode an elephant, went to prom, went to university, went to Niagra Falls, went to a taping of the Drew Carey Show (don't ask), went to Disneyland, went to Disney World, went to Sesame Place, went up in the Statue of Liberty, went up in the Arch, threw up in a brewery in St. Louis, pet a giraffe, bought a house, sold a house, bought another house, struggled financially, splurged stupidly, acquired a disability unrelated to my fat, and a second, visited 44 of the 50 states, watched a calf being born, saw The Matrix: Reloaded in IMAX from the first goddamn row, attended hundreds of rock concerts, got drunk, got high, got sick, got knocked down, got back up again, and flown a kite. That's not a definitive list. Still. All these things I have done, often in the company of other fat people—and I am a fat person.

Jennifer Hudson: "I've lost another 20pounds!"

First - how is that even news to appear on main CNN site? second - why women continue to feel loosing weight is some kind of reason to feel proud? She looked very pretty the way she was, I hate this freaking media.

Today my (male) student commented on a photo of Dara Torres and commented "she looks like someone glued her face to a male body". I so exploded after that. I said: "that is what an athlete woman looks like. that's her abs, that's her beautiful, athletic body. Men are not the only ones allowed to have visible muscles".

Similarly I want to explode each time I see comments about Williams' bodies. That they look like men. People are scared of strong, athletic women and it's truly pathetic and sad.