the privilege of following your dreams

After I got the camera with one basic lens, I have been spending a lot of time learning about other lenses and their prices. I can't afford any of it now, I hope I will be able to save for a macro in a few months.
I felt a bit of self-pithy for my poor self, that I had to wait so long before buying a decent camera, even though I love photography and have been told to produce quite good photos.
But then... I do have the camera. And before I could play with a pretty good point and shoot. It's hard, I can't get the high-shelf or multiple lenses... But I have it.

I can only imagine how many people in this country (so OMG developed and rich) can't follow their dreams, passions and talents because of their financial situation. There are no photography classes in public schools where kids could borrow a camera to learn. Free art classes with supplies provided. Free sculpture or lithography classes. Free dance classes of many kinds. My mom dropped out of Academy of Arts because she could not afford the supplies (the school was in Poland, for free, but the supplies not provided). My father dropped out from full-time chemistry studies, because of financial situation. He had to go full time work, and was studying weekends for more profitable industry - mining.

It pains me that access to art and self-expression is still a form of privilege. As if the poor had no passions, dreams, talents and visions. We, as a society, assume they are born to work physically, know their place and keep their heads down. We assume the poor cannot be sophisticated, sensitive, visionary, genius, fascinating human beings. The poor are not allowed to worry about arts or higher thinking. That's luxury. They are not supposed to want to live in a nice places, to have access to beauty in many forms. They are forced to live in ugly housings, ugly and dirty neighborhoods, grey and sad schools.

So I will keep on enjoying my new camera, rejoicing with the chance I have to live my passion. And remember how privileged I am to have it.

Race, prejudice and crime

After a great discussion today in my class on stereotypes, prejudice and racism, I have decided to bring next week materials about racial profiling, inadequate racial arrests, court injustice and so on, as most of my students couldn't believe there is something wrong with the justice system. They indeed believed that there are more Blacks in jails, because Blacks commit more crime.

Well, work to do!
I will post here whatever useful links I find, to have them in one place. 

LAPD Officer: I Can’t Do My Job Without Racially Profiling - COLORLINES
NYPD - Frisking 88% Black and Latino males
Drug sentencing reform
Frisking - video and article
Interview (video) with Michelle Alexander on racist disproportional arrests for drugs
Disparities between marijuana usage and arrests between white and black youth
Racist bias among police
More NYPD racist frisking policy

another day in subversive teaching: privilege freedom to/from learning

I've talked already a few times with my kids about privilege. How they understand it, what it means to have it etc. The terms was basically foreign to them, other than having it easier when you are older sibling, or being rewarded in some way.

It was really hard to get through, and I really wonder what they thought after. They were surprised with some examples, and I tried to give them mostly in general or about me, not them. They finally came up with their own - that they are privileged to have a chance to learn in a small community school or to live in a comfortable house. We were getting somewhere. But race, size, gender or sexuality were much more difficult. I guess we got used more to talk about money?

I must say I didn't cross the line to use me us underprivileged in terms sexuality... I still have troubles with them. I used "a gay person" as an example. One day I will be completely open. I think it's not about being... ashamed or anything of that kind, but it's just private!


Some other time, with different students we talked about what is freedom and slavery. Their responses were very thoughtful. But, not surprisingly as there is very little said about it, they didn't know there is still slavery in the US. One kid mentioned sexual exploitation and child trafficking. Soon we will have a research project on modern slavery, they will learn more about the situation in today's world, and the ways to help.

There is one thing that is my serious pet peeve. It's the kids who are oh, such victims, because they are forced to go to school and they are "not even paid". As we say in Polish, blood washes all over me when I hear such snotty, spoiled, privileged talk. I told them of course they are paid pretty well with their clothing, roof, food etc. but then they said that their parents have the obligation... yeah, but not to buy iPods, dozens pairs of shoes, iPhones, gadgets, movies, computers.... these kids don't have any idea. When I said that the obligation was set to protect children's rights, they were all in "pfffft" mode. And the argument about small children in factories was almost ridiculed. I was really close to losing it... I just have to remind myself that these kind of attitudes do not change overnight. I just hope she wakes up

just breath... in... and out... day by day.

Someone put it in words so much better.

Not so long ago I've had a discussion over FB on Tea Party and their lack of racism (according to the official statement from the White House). I expressed my annoyance with the administration for being afraid to state the obvious. Tea Partiers are racist, and most of the right establishment and many of the left are racist. But especially the conservative whites who simply can't stand to have an African-American as their president. Obama's election cut open an abscess of decades of quiet racism, political correctness, covering up problems and pretending as if everything was ok and the society was generally "colorblind". The batshit crazy "stars" of Fox News and Tea Party are so obviously the result of deep running racist prejudices and total fear of loosing the white privilege.
Some people who voted for Obama think it makes them holy and omg so progressive, while others try to dehumanize Obama (the birther movement, as American=human in their minds, no other person worth can match their superior American soul) and pretend their attacks got to do with taxes or supposed attack on their rights. I guess the "rights" they are talking about have among them the right to be a privileged asshole unable to see the reality as it is. Instead of focusing on what this country needs at the moment, they simply can't accept that Obama could succeed, even if that success was necessary for the country's recovery. So they will do everything to make Obama's life miserable, and his efforts to get out from the crises blocked.

All these thoughts are result of reading a great article from The Village. Really good read.

Another day in The Rich Paradise

It never ceases to amaze me how egocentric and short-sighted many of the rich are. How one arrives at that point? Is it years of uprooting own guilt or working on creating a perfect image of oneself in which one finally believes? Why is it never enough? Why is it so hard to see that the majority of people struggle every day to just get by? Do they really believe that these masses deserve it? That somehow they got what they were asking for? That they are lazy and/or stupid? Is it really so difficult to take some responsibility for the well being of a fellow human? Is it really such an offense to ensure everyone has an access to health care? That workers are paid respectable wages which let them support themselves and their families? While the salaries and general wealth of the top few percents of the society in the past two decades grew between 87% - 256%, it rose only around 10% - 20% for the 3/5 of the society. At the same time the costs of colleges rose over 100%. Inflation-adjusted minimum wage dropped 25%. In 1980 CEOs in big corporations were getting on average about 100 times that of minimum wage worker. Today? It's 1,100 times as much as minimum wage workers. 
To me that is obscene. And they still obstruct any changes to minimum wages, lobby against tax cut expiration, and fight with teeth and nails against any tax changes for them. 


An article in The Washington Post on the drastic and scary raise in poverty among African American and other minority children in DC and surroundings. 


Confuse and destroy! Laws proposed in Georgia, with extremely biased and suggestive language, which would give extreme control over a worker's choice of workplace. 

For example, a hardware store could use a non-compete agreement to ensure that any employee that leaves does not work for any of its competitors or even within the same industry for a number of years of its choosing. The hardware store would use the threat of lawsuits to enforce the contract.

The richest Congress member fights against the expiration of tax cuts for the richest. Of course he has only the best of the country in mind, not his own or his golf club pals. 


Who cares that there are still millions of Haitians waiting for help? The promise and good words should be enough, right? As long as I have full plate, a nice wheels in my garage and a house I can get lost in, I don't care there are poor, hungry and homeless tragedy victims waiting for the relief money. Let's just wait with deciding these stupid details... anyway, the Haitians don't vote for us, so why care?

Between freedom of speech and respecting the other

Over at Racialicius is a great essay discussing the issue of "Draw Muhammad Day" and surrounding drama.
There is indeed a difficulty to spot where my freedom of speech ends and someone's beliefs begin. It's one thing to be able to say what one beliefs in, it's another to intentionally belittle and ridicule the other's religion or culture. The author, Thea Lim, writes (emphasis mine):

 I emphatically support Molly Norris’ right to safety. I think it is terrible that she has to go into hiding, and I can only imagine the fear and distress that she is feeling right now.

But. I 100% do not support Norris’ right to mean-spirited mockery. I do not support anyone’s right to belittle, poke fun at, show insensitivity or thoughtlessness towards anyone else’s system of belief – but especially at Islam, seeing how it seems to have become some sort of Liberal American pastime to see who can make the most Islamophobic joke.  And this is while the rights of Muslims to pursue their system of beliefis under attack, all across the Western world.

And of course I support free speech. I support informed dissent. But what Norris did – and South Park, and Jyllends Posten and any other fool who carries on creating images of Muhammad as if to do so is some act of inspired and noble rebellion – was not informed dissent.  It was a nasty and childish response to being told, for once, that there was something we are not allowed to do, or cannot have.

Just today during my Holocaust class I have discussed the stages of Hate. From prejudiced attitudes, through prejudices speech, including ridicule or racist jokes, to discrimination and violence against humans and property.

It often begins with lack of respect for others' culture and tradition, jokes or holy anger about the other's "wrong" beliefs and rituals. It doesn't notice the "funny" rituals in own religion, only in the other. There is nothing weird of strange about the dress of a Catholic nun, but somehow the hadjib or burka are sources of constant racist and/or sexist attacks. People got used to the idea of wearing the image of a person hanging on a cross, but somehow turban or sari are justified sources of amusement.

I guess as long as something is common to the Western, Christian world, it's ok. Even if weird, strange, violent, racist, homophobic, sexist or against logic and rational thinking. Here Thea Lim again:

Sometimes it appears as if  any benign request made by another power to the Western, white, (culturally) Christian world (WWCCW), is received as an affront. As in, how dare anyone else tell us what to do? WE RUN THIS PLACE! As in, this refusal is an extreme manifestation of the way that certain Western, white, cultural Christians think they are entitled to do anything and consume anything, because they are the West, the boss of this town, and ain’t no one ever going to tell them what to do.

I do not like when a religion tries to impose its beliefs on others who do not share the same set of dogmas. But it is one thing if the imposition impacts directly my life (e.g. legislating the ban on same-sex marriage) and when there is very little relation between my life and a particular ban (why would I need to draw a picture of prophet Muhammad?). I don't see it as attack on my freedom of speech, it's a call for respect.
Of course I am absolutely against punishing the "offender" in anyway other than social critique. Violence is not the way to react.

the daily dose of privilege, racism and homophobia.

Oh, the putrid smell of white, rich privilege...
I got late to catch it in other places, but Resist Racism talks about a blog entry of a law professor who is "just getting by" on his and his wife's $250k combined salary. Resist has both link to google cache and copy of it on his blog. 


This just shows what levels of insensitivity, lack of understanding and absence self-criticism the rich have. They see having big expensive house, two cars, cable, private schools and art classes as basic life necessities. Well, it's not exactly "basic" nor "necessity". What's wrong with living in rented apartment? What's wrong with a public school? What about cutting down on cable? Mowing your own lawn? He even adds their transfers to retirement funds as "expenses". Well, unfortunately in this country that still counts as luxury. Many people know how important that is but can do nothing. They don't even imagine having retirement savings and assume they will work till they die. 


But it gets even better. It looks like many people didn't like this professor's entry... he got all hurt and offended with all these bullies. But that's not the worse... Again thanks to Resist Racism I read his response to "attacks":

The electronic lynch mob that has attacked and harassed me — you should see the emails sent to me personally! — has made my family feel threatened and insecure  …  To those with pitchforks trying to attack me instead of my message, I feel sorry for you. You have caused untold damage to me personally. I may be wrong, even stupid, but I don’t think I deserved that.

I am joining author of the blog in his anger about this professor using such words. He has no right to compare people disagreeing with his snobbish, privileged opinions to lynching. And I have the same thoughts on people using words like "rape", "holocaust", "genocide" or 'discrimination" lightly in a very inappropriate situations. This trivializes their true meaning and cheapens the experiences of people for whom these are not just words but deepest wounds.


Go and read Resistance's commentary, it's really good. 


And because we shouldn't end on such optimistic note, new pearls of wisdom from Ann Coulter:

Marriage “is not a civil right – you’re not black,” Coulter said to nervous laughter. She went on to note that gays are among the wealthiest demographic groups in the country. 

“Blacks must be looking at the gays saying, ‘Why can’t we be oppressed like that?’”

...the gays "ought to start being antiabortion because "once they find the gay gene, guess who's getting aborted" 

[from: GoodAsYou]


Wait a sec... does it mean she believes being gay is genetic? So it's not because the schools talk about condoms, girls wear pants and boys are molested by evil priests homos?
Oh, and there are gay African-American, by the way.
I seriously don't know what's wrong with this woman. There is hardly a word that could be used to call her, everything seems not strong enough. 
I've had enough, time to go sleep. 

patriarchy and other links

Good article on straight privilege and homophobia at work. I am truly lucky, that my work space is very supportive and I can be out. I even came out to my students and it was taken fine, with just an advice from my boss to guard my privacy - but not not to speak about my queerness.

When I need time for my family, no chance; yet no-one ever questions my straight colleague's anniversaries, in-laws weddings/milestones (after all, Sparky will cover for them). And when I complain about this, I get a snarky comment about not needing that much time for my "sex life." Because sex is the ONLY reason I could possibly want to spend time with Beloved, right?
And part of it stems from that eternal fallacy that to be a homophobe/racist/misogynist/insert-ist here you have to be as extreme as possible. That anything short of being raging hateful bigots with torches and pitchforks is not REAL -ism, -ist etc.

New York Times writes about racial disparity in school suspensions. Unfortunatelly, no surprises here:

In many of the nation’s middle schools, black boys were nearly three times as likely to be suspended as white boys, according to a new study, which also found that black girls were suspended at four times the rate of white girls.

School authorities also suspended Hispanic and American Indian middle school students at higher rates than white students, though not at such disproportionate rates as for black children, the study found. Asian students were less likely to be suspended than whites.

Another great one is a checkup list on male privilege, based on the famous article and list made by Peggy McIntosh on white privilege.

Pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything in life for free; being privileged does not mean that men do not work hard, do not suffer. In many cases – from a boy being bullied in school, to a soldier dying in war – the sexist society that maintains male privilege also does great harm to boys and men.

In the end, however, it is men and not women who make the most money; men and not women who dominate the government and the corporate boards; men and not women who dominate virtually all of the most powerful positions of society. And it is women and not men who suffer the most from intimate violence and rape; who are the most likely to be poor; who are, on the whole, given the short end of patriarchy’s stick.

more on the fancy 'lone island' vacation

i am thinking about what does it mean to be rich. was i too harsh? I don't think so. being able to go for vacation, especially really nice one, is being privileged. being able to set aside the money instead of spending it on medical bills, clothes, food, meds, paying old bills and what not. I would probably be able to set aside close to that money over a year. but I would not spend it that way. I can't afford it - even if I had the money. Living on constant edge not knowing when a blow comes to send me over the debt, makes you extra cautious. and priorities are very different. first, pay green card and lawyer (at the moment I was able to save for green card, and half the lawyer). then helping out my Mom which will begin in November regularly no matter if I saved or not, she's finally cutting down on hours (from 11h/day) and getting help from someone to work "only" 9h and have every other Saturday off. So she could go and visit her son and grandson. Then there is this case of a vehicle, at least a scooter, car would be more practical. And constant bills for meds and therapy. I still should do my teeth, but for the moment can't afford it, so I still smile with close lips. I buy clothes in goodwill or on ebay, I don't do restaurants and hardly go to the cinema. I stopped buying books (even though I was buying only in half.com) and use only library. i cook my own food and try to stretch whatever I can, but still making the priority for the food to be healthy and primal. The only decorating I did in my apt was with the cheapest costs - paint, hand made mural, goodwill's side table and whatever cheap I could find in Ikea, discount stores, second-hand store or ebay over the past two years. I workout at home so I don't pay for gym. I get all my info online, so I don't buy workout dvds.

I went for vacation this year - to visit friends up in their farm cottage and then another friend in a bigger city. I could hardly afford the tickets and was long looking for possible options involving every possible form of transportation to figure out the cheapest. I thought I might be able to stay in NY for a few days in a hostel or something... forget it.

anyway, I feel I am really trying to live thrifty, save as much as I can, not spending much on anything else than necessities. And with all of that, I still consider myself lucky and relatively rich. I am living the most rich life (materialistically speaking) I've ever had. I eat foods I didn't have as a kid or young adult. I can afford my own apt now (rental of course) which takes almost half of my salary. I have much more than my mom after working very hard for most of her life. I have clothes that fit. Many of them are new (even if bought online) or almost new. I am lucky even without a car or expensive gadgets.

I don't take things for granted. with all that I have I don't whine, b/c I know most of the people in this country have it much worse than I have. they can't have any savings, even the little ones. they can't afford health insurance or healthy food. I am lucky and I do say it with full thought behind, not to pretend to be modest or whatever.

I am glad at least they didn't call it "cheap" or "steal"

let us read about the private islands not only for the "rich". I dont' really care if that makes them feel bad to call themselves "rich", but spending $3,000 (and not even to mention the $50k/week rentals) for a week of vacation is being rich. Wake up, assholes, most people in this society can't afford it. they have no savings. they live from paycheck to paycheck, and if they dream of a week off it's to do some touch ups around the house, play with the kids in their yard or in front of rental house, or go look for second job. That's being "ordinary". That's what common and typical around here now. Not vacations on a freaking island.

They are still privileged rich asses in my book.