Tuesday, June 21, 2011

ok, scratch that, I am NOT going to Chicago

I don't even want to get into all the bureaucracy and immigration issues, the point is, I am not staying in the US and am going back to Poland. It's been just too much anxiety and stress over the past three months, I need a rest.
The positive side is, I've been showered with love, support and genuine gratitude from everyone around me. I have no idea where my life goes from here, but I am quite positive. I am excited about seeing my family and helping my Mom. Three years is really too long... I am fantasizing about my Mom's apartment and how it needs some serious painting and rehab. I will go and visit my brother and see my nephew for the first time. Go vacationing with my best friend... It's not all that bad, right? I have no idea what the work situation will be like, or  what kind of work I am will be able to find, but again, I am quite positive. It's quite amazing how I've grown in self confidence over the past two-three years and am sure it will be fine. I have some savings, even though not that much and a lot of it will go for shipping books. I am sad to leave some awesome stuff behind, on the other hand it's quite cathartic to just get read of all the ballast, and build myself again from scratch. The only things that I want to keep are the best of clothing, electronics and books. Only a few items from the artsy side - ceramic from Israel, old masks found on eBay, a few souvenirs with strong emotional connection. The rest? all going away. Sometimes I feel that other people are more sad about my apartment than I am. I loved working on it, the paint, the murals, the art... But it's not for ever. The process brought as much enjoyment and pleasure as living in it. It wouldn't be as much fun if someone else had done it for me. I still can carry this enjoyment with me. And do something new for other people. Maybe will attack my brother's white walls :D
Maybe it was just the time to move on to the next great adventure (just not that one).