Saturday, June 11, 2011

no homo

I wasn't really familiar with this term at all. I don't listen to rap, hip-hop and don't watch tv... I am not familiar with slang, so really had no chance to know how widely it is spread. Recently I had a chance to see parodies and stand-ups making fun of them, and it really bothers me. It is scary a person can't express any kind of feelings, admiration, art-relating comment, anything non gender-profiled without adding "no homo", I am terrified of the message it sends out. I can't imagine to be a gay kid with people using this around you, your friends, your music idols, and so on.

Based on the idea of the author of this blog: I am not racist, but..., whose idea was simple and brilliant - search among the public facebook status entries for this and similar variations of the phrase. It's quite depressing to read it, but also eye opening.
I did something similar, using the phrase "no homo". Here are examples of what I found:

[Ryan]: Dude I wish I could sing like Michael Buble haha (no homo) 

[Juancho]: My neck is super sore(No homo)        (- that one only tells what kind of vigilant mind people have... b/c what's wrong with having a sore neck? in his mind must be "homo" red flag...) 

[Sydney]: Melanie fixed my phone again!!!! She got it where I can touch it now!!!!! I luvvers u melanie!!!! :) (no homo) haa lol :) 

[Jonathan]: Best Moments Of AI .... Missed this guy so much...was such a beast in basketball (no homo) 

[Kristen]: hacked by Mellbobb:) hahaha I love you Cruton (no homo) ahahahahahahaha...ha.........rubber duckies 

[Mike]: Thanks to the family who ALWAYS has my back, Thanks to the friends who commute 2 hours both ways because I'm feeling down, Thanks to my girl who always tells me things will be OK, And thanks to everyone who loves, and accepts me for me. It's hard to be negative with so many positives in my life... LOVE YOU ALL (No homo).   (- this guy already mentioned his got his "girl", but still has to add "no homo". what's wrong with expressing love and gratitude to family and friends?) 

[Anthony]:I LOVEE YOU FACEBOOK....(NO HOMO)     (
- does it mean Facebook is a ... man? or is that some random dude's nickname?)   
[Angelo]: Drew I miss The days going to buffalo wild wings to watch the pens play and me wearing that caps shit... Fun times miss u bro and love u (no homo)
[Siyabonga]: i love yall 2 bits .nyt nd sweet dreams .p.s if u a dude no homo! 
 [Coleen]: Im in love with Amy Lee!! (No homo) ♥
[Mario]: I use music to express how im feeling (no homo) 
[Ian]: I have the best friends in the world. They gave me a surprise birthday party, a house full of balloons, a red, white, and blue cake covered in little babies, a video game, pistachios, and some "juice". I love them. No homo. 
[Wayne]: The sweet things i say are because i'm a sweet person.. No homo.
[Valery]: Shout out to CapriSun're never too old for CapriSun..and you can't be too gangsta for CapriSun..its like blowing bubbles..idc how gangsta you are..bubble blowing will always be homo 
[Michael]: Yo its always one bird dude its 7 of us me and my friends rite 6 of us talking about buying a whole lot of liquor and meat(no homo) for a bbq y the 7th friend said he got da frank buns. Smfh    (- I don't know what's on this guy's mind, but it looks like "buying meat" = "mad buttsex" in his world... ) 
[Daysha]: Inbox me colors and i will tell yhu how i feel bout ,yhu no homo:

I am going to Chicago

I got the job. I am relieved, even if I don't really fell it... I am still anxious and stressed as obviously it's not finished. Now it's about papers and visa, then moving, finding an apt and so on... But, I got the job! I feel like it will be a good thing for me, change, more social options, more life... I think I need to come out of my shell more, and living without a car in this village made it really difficult. I want to go out sometimes, but the logistics make it prohibitive. I will live in the city! Not downtown, obviously, but nowhere near the suburban desert I live in now. There will be cafes, shops, clubs, pubs, artsy stuff, university, cinemas... normal life. I really need it. I wish I could skip the legal/immigration paper work... it's stressful, expensive and time consuming. At least searching for apt is more fun... in theory. But I have no idea how I can choose anything from here... I don't know if I would be as lucky as with the apt in my complex, I don't want to be hoaxed or end up with a year-long lease for a dirty hole with cockroaches. In photos you can make any place look decent. I will check the apartments ratings, maybe that will narrow down the best in my budget. I will have to only sized down, but also pay slightly more than I am paying now, with the salary almost same as now (just a bit less). I could theoretically find an apt or studio for less than now, but even in the photos it was obvious they were bad quality. I want the best quality for what I can afford. I prefer to save the $100 on other things and add it to the rent. This time it should be easier... I have all the most important furniture, kitchen appliances, dishes and so on. I don't have to spend much on the house anymore. I have to be able to continue supporting my mother, I was hoping to raise the amount  I sent her monthly. Maybe I will be able to get something on a side...

In the meantime, I am trying to catch up on blogs, I found some new ones which were interesting but that's for another entry.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

the "sweet" part of bitter-sweet

Today was the last day at school. There is still the official graduation and that's it... I must stay that I am still overwhelmed with all the love I continue to be showered with. I have a history of pretty low self-esteem, on which I've been working through therapy for the past two years. It's only this year really when I started to feel more confident in my professional skills, in being a good teacher. But still I wasn't thinking much of myself, and I knew that my way of dealing with students is not the easiest to be much beloved. I am not the fluffy bunny, I never let whine about other teachers and bad mouth them (unless it's a serious sharing during advisory and constructive discussion on dealing with a problem). I am rather coldish, I don't hug, I don't giggle or squee. I dont' share much of my private life, I am sarcastic and quite strict, I think. I do joke a lot, as I have quite a sense of humor... but I have no problem with being deadly serious, kick out a kid for detention or go hard on someone. And still.. the words I've been hearing from my kids over the past few months, and especially the past few days... they melt even my Polish soul. Some kids would come and hang out in my room for no reason, as if unable to leave and go home... One kids said she was not looking forward to the end of the year, because I wouldn't be there the next one... Even the "cool and tough" kids came to me to share more feelings that they ever did before... I got beautiful, funny or heart breaking words written in my year book autographs booklet. I know I will be coming back to it often, to keep me going, whenever I would feel down or losing my faith in my teaching skills.
I have made custom cards for some of my kids. Snapfish is really cool for that. I chose some quotes on one side, my own photo on front and back, and wrote a personal note to each of the students. I chose to do that for my advanced classes, as I have been with them longer and have had absolutely blast of a year... I also gave each to my freshmen advisees. I seriously care for each and every one of them, even if each of them was at least once a royal pain in the butt :) One kid, who has pathological approach to writing anything, wrote a whole paragraph for me... I still need to decipher parts of his handwriting, but just the length of it made me fly to the sky.

It's really difficult to leave, but if I weren't, would I even found out how much I am liked? I think it's the first time that I feel it, from so many people... colleagues, kids, parents. I try to treasure the moments, store them and learn to believe in myself more.