the limbo time of my life

It's been more than a month later, and I still have no job. It is very worrisome. there is only so much time I can wait before I should pack and go back to Poland. This is terrifying, as I have no idea what I would do, and am afraid that a year break would be the kill of my career as an educator in the US. I have to apply for a visa renewal like, now. It's all is really scary and my anxiety levels are through the roof. I upped my meds a bit to get it down a bit.

The best side of it all? The extremely positive feedback I've been getting from my students. It is just so uplifting and warming... I think I've been dealing pretty well with the situation and am a good role model. I try to look at the positives :)

I am really worry about my Mom... I am afraid I won't be able to go and visit my family again this year. It's been three years since I saw any of them... My little nephew is already a year old, and I haven't had a chance to see him yet. It is painful even for me, rather removed and introverted person.

I think I should write here more... I post often links to articles on my FB, but I miss the forum to say more what I think. I gotta spring back up from the dark period I am going through. I've killed half my plants because I simply didn't feel like watering them anymore... I have to throw them away, as now I can see their dried up carcasses around. All the energy I had I seemed to be spending at work to keep up the joyful face and approach my kids with the same energy and attitude as usual. They are not the ones who should be punished for the board's bad politics and decisions.

It's funny that I am not actually scared of the place I will end up in. I am totally fine with almost all the places I could theoretically work. Atlanta, Spokane, Portland (ME), Bridgeport, LA... Each different, but I know I will easily get used to living there. I am pretty easy with that... It's the not knowing that is so nerve-wrecking. I see positive sides of each position, each place... even the return to Poland. But I hate to be in the limbo. The in-between is the most scary to me.